Essence
by Canadiancloneluver
Summary: A young Padawan is doing one of the most important things a Jedi can do. She's passed her trails and now she's building her own lightsaber. But the Force is telling her to do something different than most Jedi, and it will either break her or make her. Her choice is to honour her troops in a special way with her lightsaber or use it as a summary of herself like everyone else.


**So, use your imagination a bit on this one, and I think you'll all in enjoy it. I don't know the actual sequence for making a lightsaber and I was too lazy to check so, for the sake of the story, use your imagination and pretend this is more or less how it's done. Please? Just a random one-shot I thought up at a swim meet. I'm not sure whether this is good or bad. I'll leave that all up to you.**

**~CCL**

My Master nods and I close my eyes and focus. I tune out noise and then feel the swelter of force signatures around me become even clearer.

My Master is calm in the Force, patient and waiting. The troopers are curious. They've never been to the crystal caves on Ilum before. I can also sense exhaustion, patience, confidence, trust; even the pain of injuries among the aura's surrounding them.

I centre myself in the force and suddenly an image is thrown at me.

The image is of a battlefield, troopers for their lives, for their brothers.

'Honour them.'

I want to ask whose talking but I feel I already know. 'How?'

'With yourself.' It answers me, speaking into the depths of my mind. Suddenly I'm focused in on the feeling of trust and confidence the troopers put in me. 'With all you have.'

Something rough settles into my hand and I open my eyes, oblivious to everything but the crystal floating just above my hand.

It's brown, the same brown as a troopers eyes. There's a split in the middle of it and one half of the crystal rises higher than the other. It almost looks as if the larger part of the crystal is holding, encompassing the smaller half.

The crystal reminds me of a scene I see all too often. A trooper holding his injured brother, till he dies or help arrives, whichever comes first. On the battlefield you never know.

"Charge it young one. Fill it with your essence." master Plo Koon urges gently, reminding me of what I have to do.

The force bombards me again and tells me to do this differently than the other Jedi.

'Fill it with them. Let them guide your saber.'

The force is reminding me of those men around me, of Wolffe, of Sinker, of Boost, of Aro, Tek and Dane.

I look up at Master Plo and he nods.

I look back at the crystal and the force signatures of all three million troopers surround me. The crystal begins to glow as I begin to fill it with their force signatures. The signatures of the alive and the fallen.

Something wet slides down my cheek and the moment I feel it, the tears begin to flow down my face. How can I put every one of their hopes, faiths, dreams and feelings into this one little crystal?

But the crystal seems more inviting the more I pour into it. Time has passed, a lot of time, judging by my boys' restlessness, the crystal seems to recognize this and shudders.

Lastly I throw my own essence in the crystal and it shines, electricity seems to run through it when I look carefully.

Master Plo crouches beside me. "You've done well. The men and I'll go set up camp. I leave Wolffe here with you and they can switch off in shifts.

I nod and refocus, watching the crystal, things to make my own lightsaber spread out before me but I don't know where to start.

Wolffe interrupts my thinking. "Mind if I sit down ma'am?"

I look up at him. "'course." I motion for him to sit in front of me. "How's the shoulder?"

Wolffe shrugs but smiles. "It's fine. Are you okay ma'am?"

My brow furrows. "What'd you mean?"

Wolffe is quiet for a moment before speaking. "You were crying earlier, is everything alright/"

I nod and sigh quietly. "It's...complicated." I look down and a small "Oh." escapes my lips.

The crystal is completely encased in a clear glass diamond. The crystal twirls and pulses inside it.

"Ma'am?" Wolffe's looking down at what I've done so far. "You want me to go sit somewhere else?"

I shake my head. "No, you can stay here. "I can't tell him that I need him here simply to make the lightsaber, to remind me with his presence how and why I'm making it. Right now isn't the time to tell him, any of them, later, I'll tell him later. Somehow.

'Let him rest. His presence will be here whether he sleeps or not.

I'm not sure who's talking anymore. Me or the force.

"Wolffe?" He looks up at me from where he's cleaning his pistols.

"Yes ma'am?"

"You can sleep, you know. Get some rest. You may need it." I watch him as another piece of the lightsaber slides into place.

"Thanks ma'am." Wolffe leans back against a pillar and his eyes close. I watch him, the rhythm of his chest, the feeling of peacefulness as he sleeps.

A slight glow catches my eyes and I look down. The pieces of the lightsaber are truly welding themselves; this is nothing like my Padawan lightsaber.

The lightsaber got a slim bottom that would come down to a point if it weren't for the ball shaped whole in the bottom.

I close my eyes, bringing Wolffe's presence to the forefront of my mind. I sort of doze as the lightsaber builds itself through the force.

I feel Wolffe move and open my eyes. He stands up and nods to me. "Dane's here to take over ma'am."

"That's fine." I turn to Dane as Wolffe leaves with a casual salute. "'Morning Dane."

Dane laughs. "Actually it's evening Commander."

I shrug. "Meh, close enough."

Dane explores the cave as I use the force to build my lightsaber; things are becoming even clearer as I go. He's rather fun-loving and has such an easy way of smiling every time I look up at him.

Aro comes in to relieve Dane after a couple hours and something jumps into my hand the moment he walks in.

A spiked ball on a chain. I attach it to the bottom of my lightsaber and Aro chuckles. "Nice attachment ma'am."

I grin. "Thanks." It flicks out at the easy press of a button.

With each trooper that comes in, some new aspect comes into being. Wolffe's back for the third time when I finally stand up, stretching my legs. "Done."

Wolffe looks up at me from his 'pad. "Want me to show you the way ma'am?"

I shake my head. "I'll be fine, you go on ahead."

"Yes ma'am." Wolffe leaves me alone in the cavern and I stare at the lightsaber. It's sleek white metal with grey-black handgrips. The ball rests at the end.

Something catches my eye and I take a closer look.

In black, at the base of the lightsaber sits a shiny piece of black metal.

My breath hitches in my throat. I thought after everything that's happened regarding this, I'd be ready for anything. But I definitely wasn't ready for this.

The metal is shaped almost like a T before and then it shots out to the sides at the bottom. A clone trooper visor, the visor based of similar Mandalorian T-visors. A sight I see every day now. Something I've learned to look past so that I can see the man beneath it.

Finally I trot after Wolffe, mulling everything over in my mind, my lightsaber in hand.

Master Plo looks up at me as I enter the area where they're camped out. "Ah, there you are.'

I nod and hold my lightsaber out for him to inspect. "Finished, I think."

Master Plo simply looks it over. "Have you turned it on yet?"

I shake my head and then ignite it. A blazing hazel blade springs out of the handle and I'm suddenly filled with the realization of what I've done.

These men, these boys, my boys, will lead my steps, my swings, my actions and my decisions, simply by being who they are. I need to remember that every time I swing this blade, hold this lightsaber.

I've thrown my lot in with them, for now and for ever. I'm glad it's that way, and despite my total disregard for Jedi rules when it comes to this and my attachment to my men, I can live with it.

I am General Chanelle Trixew and I may not be the most orthodox of Jedi, but if anybody asks, I'm proud of my actions.

This is not my story, this is the story of each and every brave trooper, all three million of them, held in my hand. And I won't ever forget that.


End file.
